Embracing 34

Age is a huge thing for a woman. Everyone says it’s just a number. But (we) know best how hard it hits us when the numbers keep rolling. As i was writing this, i was thinking; Should i reveal my age? Should i just keep silent ? Or should i not write about this at all? According to my predictions : 1) The guys are gonna run away. 2) “What? You’re not married?” 3) My attraction share market has just dropped by 40%. 4) Fertility share market declined by 34%. 5) Energy expenditure decreases with age.  My metabolic  rate declining. 6) Harder to fit in to society because I’m neither young nor old nor do i have a family to brag about.

Well, age is a tricky thing. We are caught in a human life cycle where each age defines a growth and a progress. The cycle has to come in full completion that leads to the new birth of another cycle. We are all accustomed to it. From infancy, childhood, adolescent, adulthood, late adulthood, we do whatever we can to support each stage.  Crawling -walking -running -talking – reading- education – technology – career -marriage – pregnancy- parenthood – old age – and finally death. We are suppose to drill in the same cycle. The question is what happened if the growth at a certain age is not progressing as it suppose to be? That leads to a dilemma.

We are living in a society that celebrates marriages, new born, extravagant lifestyle and we are taught to blend in. At my age, i am suppose to be enjoying motherhood, family, husband, and a wonderful life of seemingly happily ever after. On the contrary, even if i did not get married i have to be seen as a successful corporate lady climbing the never-ending rat race. In reality, none of the above is definite. I’ve spoken with friends who are going through infertility, infidelity, single mother, and also those who are neither a successful entrepreneur nor they are in any secured relationships.

The question is ; “If a woman is great and no romantic partner is there to appreciate her,can she still lead a happy and fulfilling life?”

There are mysteries and answers only God can provide. The waiting. The prayers. The efforts of making friends. I believe (most) ladies my age try very hard. But it doesn’t rule our life. I remember the wonderful time i spend with my friends, no curfews, no calls , just pure ladies’ night out. There are also days where i can do my own thing. reach my goal uninterrupted and endless time of watching the shows i like, dining at restaurants i wanted, and having the ‘me’ time at ‘all’ time. Others envied my lifestyle of complete freedom, unattached, less conflicts. However, i still long for a partner but i am not pushing a solution to it because relationship doesn’t (always) work in speed dating formula. We all want a relationship that (last), not just a quick fix. Bear in mind, i’m not denying dating agencies and other related sources because i know there are testimonies for (some) singles (I admit i went on at least 8 dates in few months and nothing work), but what works for others might not work for us, there’s always a ‘try’.

The other side of the grass is always greener. Cultural norms and expectations do not determine our self-worth. Especially being a woman, one will only feel ‘complete’ if she is married and with kids. It has to come in a package, anything less than that leads to despair. At this point, i so feel for women who can’t conceive and couples whom faced infertility. I know a standard family needs to be ‘complete’ with having children, at least.  And to those who has an ‘incomplete’ life (based on standard norms), we are not be discouraged. Let’s spur one another with love and excel in what we do.

I do pray we all find our happily ever after. Our stories has not yet ended. A new chapter is about to unfold and who can fathom the will of God except through the Holy Spirit. I know the journey is tough, and sometimes i do breakdown. We thought we have to fight for love or happiness, but God has already won it for us. It’s okay to get older. It’s okay to fail in relationship. We don’t have to fake it to make it. He will break it so we can get through it.

Just believe. Trust. Timing.




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